Weighing In On The Scale

Over the years I have had a hate/HATE relationship with the scale. A larger degree of hatred came a few years ago when I started Weight Watchers. I went to the weekly Weight Watchers meetings at work, and the only part I despised was the weigh in at those meetings each Tuesday morning. The scale solely determined success or failure in my mind, and how the program is set up. I remember one week the scale showed a 5 pound weight loss, and I was met with high fives and excitement from the meeting leader. She exclaimed "Good job! Keep doing what you're doing!".  The next week I had a +2 gain and the leader spent a good 10 minutes trying to determine where I went wrong "What was your sodium intake? Did you meet your water requirements? How many 'free' foods did you eat? Did you work out too little? Too much?", but the fact was that week was identical to the previous week where I was celebrating and receiving high fives. I started to really hate that everything was so fixated on that number. If it went in the wrong direction, I must have messed up the plan somehow and didn't know it, right? My entire mood the rest of the day was based on what that number read. The most frustrating part was that the weeks I felt I did my best were the worst on the scale, and the weeks I expected the number to get higher were some of my best losses. This lead to my eventual quitting of Weight Watchers. I simply got fed up with the frustration of it all.

Then a couple years ago I read about different weighing methods that greatly changed how I was viewing the scale. I learned that basing your success on 1 weekly weight is pretty much useless, even more useless for women who have imperfect hormones. And odds are if you're a woman trying to lose weight, you have imperfect hormones. Due to body chemistry, it's natural not to weigh exactly the same every day even if your body fat has not changed. Picking 1 day each week to log weight is just setting myself up for disappointment because it could be a day I simply weigh more than the last. My mood is ruined because the scale reflects something other than what my efforts told me about the week. Is there anything more demotivating than that? This lead me to learn a more accurate way to measure weekly weight loss. Here's the method that works for me:

1. Weigh in every day at the same time, and log it.
2. After 7 days, average the weight (add all 7 weight logs together then divide by 7).
3. Log this weight as your "real" weight for the week.
4. Repeat the same thing the next week.
5. Subtract the most recent week's "real" weight from the previous week's "real" weight.
6. That is your "real" loss/gain.

Determination of my success is a lot more health focused now than weight loss focused, but I started keeping track recently after my diet changed so drastically just to make sure things are going the right direction overall.  I put no time constraints on myself to lose the weight, just an expectation it will go in the right direction after applying a new, healthier way of eating. I am happy to report that my hatred towards the scale is less intense since adopting the above method.

Tips if YOU are one of "those" people

I did a general post on being one of "those" people with food restrictions/allergies, and included tips on how to deal with a friend or family member who is one of "those" people. However, I decided to do a separate one with tips of what to do if you are one of those people. These are strictly what I've found helpful through my personal experience:

1. Accept that you are one of those people, and don't compromise your diet to avoid being an inconvenience. I included this somewhat in my last post, but I think it all starts with this step. No matter how much you don't want a particular food intolerance or allergy, you can't will it away. I've tried! Accepting it and deciding not to compromise leads to working around it successfully... finally. It's so easy to forget how awful you feel when going off of a way of eating, until you do it. When you're feeling "normal" it's easy to think maybe you can cheat a little. Then you do, then you regret it and then you have to get back on track. Getting over that denial or hope that maybe you just tracked your symptoms wrong or that maybe your symptoms were from something else (hopefully something easier to give up!) takes a little time. At least it did for me. Also, if people see you compromising your diet on a regular basis, they will assume that it's because it's not that big of a deal if you "cheat", understandably so. I completely "get" the constant battle in your mind to choose between the difficulty of avoiding what you shouldn't have and dealing with the consequences if you have it. There comes a point where you have to just accept it.
2. If someone invites you over for a meal, ask what they are making and if you can bring something. This is hard. It always feels rude no matter how many times I do it, but it is necessary. Asking if you can bring something helps in two ways. First, it doesn't feel as rude to ask what they're making in the first place when it's immediately followed up by another question focusing on helping in some way. Second, if what they are making is something you can't have, you can bring something that you can have. If you mention that you have an allergy in the process, make sure they are aware that you don't expect them to cook a "special" meal for you or modify their meal plan. This is unfair to them. If they are cooking when you arrive, ask if you can help with anything. This makes it easier to figure out what ingredients are in something (if you have a severe form of celiacs, this option is out since just touching or inhaling small particles of gluten can trigger a severe reaction). Sometimes people forget to list things or simply don't know what's all in that can of cream of mushroom soup their putting on the chicken or that there is wheat in soy sauce. So observing and helping in the cooking process helps you become more familiar with the ingredients.
3. Speak up! An appropriate time would be when you're at a restaurant and need to "customize" things. This is annoying, but also necessary. Sure, it may inconvenience the server, and be embarrassing to have a list of customizations and questions while everyone is watching you order, but is that two minutes of embarrassment worth avoiding getting sick from your meal? It is for me! If servers are helpful about this, I just increase their tip to make it worth it. I had a server at my favorite Thai restaurant tell me that if you don't specify gluten free in a dish, the cooks will just toss flour into the sauce sometimes to "thicken" it, even if it isn't normally an ingredient. He said to always specify "no gluten" when ordering for this reason. This completely explained why sometimes I would get very sick from eating there, other times I was fine! I was very appreciative of his input and glad I started asking questions (he was also nicely tipped). Also, when you're in a group deciding where to go for dinner, speak up and throw a suggestion out there that you know is safe for you. Hopefully there's takers on your idea. If you wait until everyone's decided and realize it's somewhere you can't make work, it's a lot more awkward to speak up at that time, or decide not to go.
4. Don't speak up! Know when to speak, and when not to. For instance, if someone cooks you a meal don't wait until it's all done and you're ready to eat and then ask what's in it and mention you can't eat certain ingredients. This puts the host on the spot and then he or she may feel bad you can't have what they made. This is a time where you just have to go hungry if you question the safety of the meal instead of being rude. Or, if you are invited on prearranged plans to go somewhere specific (maybe someplace you know you won't be able to eat), don't speak up unless invited to give your input. There's always a way around this, even just politely declining the invitation.
5. Be prepared to miss out on some things. For example, if you have a gluten allergy and all your friends decide to go to the newest brew pub/pizza joint where all they have is beer and burgers, just don't go. If you know everyone will be enjoying your two favorite things in front of you that you can't have (and are afraid of just giving in), it's okay to miss out and avoid the constant temptation.
6. Make plans instead of trying to "go with the flow". This is hard if you are naturally a "go with the flow" sort of person and you aren't used to leading or initiating things. This is another area I'm still working on myself. Getting used to being an initiator or decision maker when it doesn't come natural is tough. If you're already the decision maker of the group, this should be pretty easy for you! 

So those are my few tips I've learned in dealing with food restrictions. Do you have any more tips that you've come across that have been helpful while dealing with your food restriction?

I'm one of "those" people...

If there was one thing I could change about my life, it would be that I could eat whatever I want and not "pay" for it later with joint pain, hospital visits, increased asthma attacks/allergies, weight gain, headaches, fatigue... and the list goes on. Aside from giving up particular foods that I love (BREAD!!), I absolutely hate being "one of those people" who has dietary restrictions that makes everything (like cooking, going out, or going to someone's house for dinner) more difficult. I hate it so much that I have compromised my diet to please others over the years, and then paid for it later.  I can't count how many times I have not had time to eat at home (or was just a poor planner) and then made plans to go out to dinner and end up at a place where I can't eat anything on the menu. Instead of being a burden and saying "There's nothing I can eat there, can we go somewhere else?" I just go with the flow and usually end up eating something I shouldn't due to being extremely hungry and just giving in to the moment. This has been the downfall of every single eating plan I've tried to follow. I feel like if I choose to stick to it, I also have to be a burden or plan killer. Since food is involved at every social gathering, this is unavoidable. After all, when was the last social function you attended where food and drink were not involved? Can you think of one? I can't. This became much more obvious once I stopped taking much pleasure in food. My focus is now strictly on finding things that won't make me sick. Eating went from being an enjoyment to a huge burden.

I've come to the conclusion that I now have to accept I'm one of those people. I have to just accept it. There it is. I officially admit it to myself. I have to be a burden to be healthy. I also have to accept that it isn't fair to compromise my health to please others or to avoid being an inconvenience. After all, good friends wouldn't want me to be sick if I had the choice not to be. This is easier said that done. I have to remind myself that others without food allergies/reactions likely don't understand what is involved if I just give in and go with the flow like I so desperately want to do... even just one time. Most people don't know what it's like to wake up exhausted, in pain, unable to think clearly, and then go about the day ignoring the fact that they feel awful because of that piece of bread or beer they ate from the night before. I wouldn't want them to either! I also need to stop assuming others understand this sort of thing. They may not understand the importance of sticking to it because they don't see the outward reaction. This is the problem with silent illnesses when you're not a "complainer". People don't know what they don't see and what you don't tell them. I've had people say things like "I've seen you eat pizza before, can't you just have a bite, it must not be that bad of an allergy?"... Sure, they have seen me eat pizza before (I used pizza as an example just because it causes the most reaction for me out of every food), but that's as far as they have witnessed. They didn't see (or hear about) the part where I went home and couldn't sleep all night due to a racing heartbeat and itchy skin, which lead me to take 2 Benadryl and pseudo-sleeping all night, and then waking up in the morning with a terrible headache, asthma, joint pain and then remaining completely fatigued for the next few days. If this happened to them when they ate pizza, they probably wouldn't eat pizza either (or make those sort of comments). So, I've posted six tips below for those who have friends or family with food allergies who may not know exactly what to do or say to help regarding various situations. These can pretty much be applied to everyone on some sort of diet, whether it's to avoid allergens or not:

1. If you're inviting them over for a meal, tell them what the meal is ahead of time so they can plan around it. It may mean eating at home beforehand if it's something they can't have any part of, but it is always very appreciated when they know this ahead of time. Also, ask them if they have any questions about the meal or want to know what's in it. People with dietary restrictions dread being a burden, and this can make initiating questions about what's in your food uncomfortable. Be assured that this doesn't mean you have to modify or change what you're making. They don't expect anyone to suddenly become an expert in what does or doesn't have xanthan gum or yeast extract (just examples). They very well may be able to eat what you're making, but maybe they just err on the safe side and don't because they don't know what's in it and didn't want to ask.
2. Don't be offended or feel bad if they don't eat something you've made. It is not personal at all. In fact, I'm sure they would love to eat whatever it is. It just means they will feel miserable if they eat it and need to avoid feeling miserable. They are most likely used to missing out on wonderful food, so this is nothing to feel bad about.
3. Try to have social gatherings that aren't based around food. Food is so ingrained into our society that this is a difficult one. But while food represents joy and refreshment for the "normal person", it can represent anxiety and stress for someone who has restrictions. After all, social gatherings don't have to involve food, right?
4. Have a pot luck instead of cooking everything yourself (just try not to ask them to bring the dessert). That way he/she can always bring something they are able to eat, even if there's nothing else they can eat at the function. Speaking from experience, desserts are really hard for people to eat with food allergens. They almost always involve dairy or flour, and the dairy free/gluten free deserts probably aren't ones "normal" people would choose to eat because they usually don't taste good unless made from scratch by an experienced baker (just being honest!). When I'm asked to bring desert, 99% of the time I just bring something I can't eat and know everyone else will enjoy.
5. Decide on a restaurant that has a wide range of foods, or brags of their "gluten free" options. This tip works for both "normal" people and those with dietary restrictions. Pretty much anyone with food allergies can't go to places like pizza joints, sandwich places, Chinese restaurants, or places that just serve fried food (like most bars). A good rule of thumb is if there aren't salad options on the menu, it's going to be hard to find anything for someone with food restrictions to eat. I mentioned looking for restaurants that brag of their "gluten free" options because restaurants that are familiar with gluten intolerance will have a much higher likelihood of accommodating the menu to other allergens or restrictions as well.
6. Be supportive. Avoid trying to get them to eat things they shouldn't, or downplaying how much of an ingredient is in something. It isn't always the amount of an allergen that causes a reaction. A tiny amount can cause an auto-immune response that sends their body into a downward spiral. I had a bartender once tell me he had someone who had Celiacs get sick from a mixed drink there that was "gluten free" each time he came in. They couldn't figure out the problem for a long time. It turned out that the ice was kept in an area that had a tiny bit of other alcohols that were not gluten free drip on it. This tiny amount was causing his body to attack itself (granted this was a severe form of celiacs). Once he eliminated the ice, the problem stopped.

So those are my tips and experience based from the perspective of one of those people. I welcome any more ideas or thoughts to make things easier for everyone, "normal" people included!

CornuCO-OPia

Whenever I visit the local co-op, I notice a lot more people than usual taking an extremely large amount of time to choose their products. Some people are aware that there are others trying to shop, and they kindly step aside to let you grab what you need, but some are oblivious and give a "look" when you say "excuse me" and reach by them to grab your product you've been waiting (and sometimes inadvertently blocking the aisle) to grab . This is one of the reasons I only shop at the co-op at an unusual time, so I can avoid so many people. After starting this new diet and purchasing very specific ingredients (or lack thereof) in food/products, I understand why people spend a terribly large amount of time picking something that seems simple, like, lets say... butter. I spent about 5-7 whole minutes reading the various labels of the ten different kinds of butter on the shelf trying to find just one that was "grass feed". Even brands sell different "kinds" butters within their brand. It made me wonder "Is hand rolled butter really better somehow and I'm just not aware of the reason?". Silly. Finally, I found one that was made from grass feed cow milk. Then the eggs (about five feet away)... another ten minute decision. "free range", "vegetarian feed", "cage free", "organic", "Amish/Mennonite", "humanely raised", or any combination of things are listed on the package. You have to know what these labels mean in order to choose, so it it's very difficult if you haven't done prior research and don't know there's three thousand ways of labeling something. Yep, research... on egg labeling! For example "cage free" sounds great. You're imagining chickens running around on a farm, free roaming, no cages, enjoying the sunshine... but (after looking it up) all that means is that they aren't in a one foot cube cage their entire lives while they lay eggs. It can still mean they have no access to the outdoor air and are kept indoors (farmers do this because it's easier to prevent disease indoors, which means higher profits) in miserable and cramped conditions. So what are the best eggs anyway? In my opinion, as close to how chickens would naturally be in nature as possible. That means, organic (vegetarian) feed, and free roaming outdoors with access to sunlight and fresh air (side note: there is a hilarious "Portlandia" episode that makes fun of exactly what I'm talking about). This is why I'm trying to find a sustainable farm to get all my animal/dairy products from that allows visits/tours. I just want to know where my food comes from. I spent years being a vegetarian because the idea of where meat came from was gross/inhumane. That was back when I only knew a tiny bit of how disgusting and terrible conventional meat was. Having a baby further pushed this desire. I want Charli to grow up knowing where her food comes from instead of it just mysteriously showing up on a shelf somewhere. I feel that this is very important, but I can't really pinpoint exactly why. So, until I'm able to buy a chest freezer so I can keep the bulk meats/cheeses from a specific farm, I'm forced to spend ten minutes looking at each item in the co-op until I've successfully got my "basics" down.

This leads me to my brilliant business idea. If I were rich, I would open up a very small co-op that carries only one (two at most) of each type of item. Hand picked to be the "best of the best", I would only carry grass fed, organic and pasture raised meat and dairy products with information (and pictures) about the farms they come from in a sign located by the items. I would only carry the cosmetic beauty supplies and household cleaners that met the very highest of non-toxic standards, no "questionable" ingredients. I would also open up a small "salon" section devoted to beauty with a cosmetologist trained in non-toxic hair coloring (such as Henna), pedicures/manicures that use non-toxic nail polish/remover* etc... Until I unexpectedly become rich, if anyone rich is looking to open this store, feel free to come to me for ideas, I have plenty!

*Seriously, I had no idea how toxic and dangerous nail products and salons were until last week. There will be a future post to come on that soon, with non-toxic options for us who still want painted nails.

My favorite King of the Hill Episode called "Raise the Steaks"

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After Hank (the dad) buys organic food from the co-op:
 
Bobby: "... and this tomato is delicious too!"
Luanne: "This is a tomato? I thought it was a heaven ball."
Hank: "You two aren't making any sense, tomatoes don't have any flavor [eats tomato]... MMMM!"
Peggy: "Hank, if this is food, what have we been eating!?"

Healthy Eating, Day 1

Day one is always easy on any eating program (at least for me). Basically I started going grain free with no unnatural sugar (or artificial sweeteners) today. The hardest part so far is getting used to cooking with cast iron. When I would make eggs, I would leave about 75% stuck in the skillet, and then I'd have to spend a long time cleaning the skillet, repeat for next meal. Today, this problem was solved thanks to this Prairie Homestead blog entry! For the first time, I have successfully made scrambled eggs in a cast iron skillet with the pan remaining clean (no egg stuck on it). It requires cooking with more fat (which is hard because I'm so used to cooking with as little oil/butter as possible to omit the calories), and letting it get hot enough before putting in the scrambled eggs. Once they are in, leave them alone for a few seconds to form a sort of "crust" and then swish them around until they are done. So simple, except for the fear of overusing fat. That's one of those habits that will take time to break, but I'm sure I'll get there.

My skillet after just a wipe out post-scrambled eggs.

Horriblemones!

Since I was 13 my hormones have been messed up. It wasn't until several years ago when I was told I probably wouldn't be able to have children without expensive medical interventions that I actually started doing real research about why my hormones were so messed up. What I found out surprised me. Sure, there are hormones in the meat and milk we eat, and there is BPA in plastic (which is an endocrine disruptor, among other things). I already knew this. I didn't know that it was just the tip of the iceberg. I also had no idea how much certain toxins, chemicals, and the way foods are processed/cooked influenced hormones. I began changing how I shopped at the grocery store immediately, and I started buying everything I could organic and pasture raised (especially meats, eggs and dairy). I learned quickly how true the phrase "you get what you pay for" truly is. I got rid of all my BPA plastic and purchased new "BPA Free" containers. Then after reading about estrogen dominance in America, I started using a progesterone cream to balance things out a bit. A couple months later I decided to do a month long detox diet eating nothing but organic fruit, veggies and beans/legumes (with some rice). In addition, I made sure I did a fresh juice of veggies and fruits every day to replenish lost vitamins, enzymes, minerals and phytonutrients. A month later I found out I was pregnant! I was beyond shocked because the month I conceived, I decided to give up the notion of ever having children because my husband and I decided not to go through the medical intervention process after months of weighing the options, and it was highly unlikely we would ever have a baby on our own.

The horriblemones didn't stop there. From severe (and long lasting) "morning sickness" (you can read about my experience here), to intense muscle and ligament pain and then followed by a premature birth, inability to produce my own milk, and losing 75% of my hair, I guess my hormones were still out of whack and not working like they should. This is where further research came in, and partly what made me decide to make all these recent changes. A large one having to do with water.

Getting a water filter that met my expectations has been a personal challenge of mine for quite some time. First, I went with Brita, then switched to the Zero water filter (after learning Brita doesn't actually remove much). I then found myself replacing the Zero water filter cartridge every month (especially because I used it to make formula every day), and realized quickly this was inconvenient and cost inefficient. I was getting really tired of filling the pitcher several times a day. I was on the fence about the whole reverse osmosis water system due to cost, and was about to get and install one (since I thought it was the only good option) until I read about what it removes (or doesn't remove) compared to different options. Basically, I wanted to leave minerals in my water, while removing the bad stuff like endocrine disruptors, including fluoride. I ended up deciding on a Berkey water filter. It uses carbon block and gravity to remove chlorine (and many other harmful things), and I added the additional fluoride and arsenic attachments to get the Fluoride out of my water. So far I like it. It is big enough to not have to fill 10 times a day, and doesn't use electricity to run. It removes everything I want removed, and I don't have to change the filters for YEARS! It does cost more up front than one of those fridge water filters, but ends up being much cheaper in the long run due to the longevity of the block filters. My only complaint is that it doesn't come with the spigot that tells you how full it is, so I have to purchase that separately or risk overfilling it (minor annoyance). Also, it takes up some counter space and took a bit of time to set up (compared to just popping a pitcher in the fridge). But other than that, I love it!

My "Big Berkey" (and home made giant mason jar mug)

I'm far from done making changes, but at this point have made a good start. Making further changes to my "dietary lifestyle" starts July 1st! It will be a trial and error learning experience due to the requirement of different methods of cooking, and it has also required changing my thinking about food which has been "ingrained" in me (pun intended) since childhood.

Getting Back to Nature!

With the past couple years being a whirlwind of health problems, I've been spending all of my "me" time researching natural solutions. Having already spent $6,500 out of pocket on doctor visits and testing since January of this year only to get absolutely nowhere, I needed a change... fast! Something that has always made complete sense to me is getting back to nature and basics. If there's one thing I've learned with my background and interest in nutrition, along with just observing what's going on around me, it's been that man will destroy whatever he gets his hands on and should just leave nature alone. He just shouldn't even try to improve on it or "fix what isn't broken". Margarine vs butter is a good example of this, but there's about a million to pick from. I already knew cows should eat grass for their benefit, so finding out how different (nutritionally) industrialized food is compared to the local organic farmer had a huge impact. So, a couple months ago I decided to "get back to nature" and use products and eat foods (whenever possible) that are in their most natural form. No chemicals, artificial ingredients, or products that claim to be "natural" but then the list of ingredients shows 10 things I can't even pronounce. I want to really know what I'm using and eating! However, this was a lot more involved than I thought. I had no idea how many chemicals I was exposed to each and every day, and I quickly got overwhelmed. To get this overwhelmed feeling in check, I decided to focus on external areas of my life first because those seemed the easiest to change. So here's a list of what I've done so far during the past couple of months:

• Purged my old toothpaste and mouthwash and started using a natural flouride free toothpaste with an occasional peroxide rinse. I've also done oil pulling to deep clean my teeth.
• Switched my deoderant to a natural, aluminum free kind. This was tough, but after a few days I noticed I started sweating less than I did when using aluminum.
• Quit washing my face with soap. I use a mix of Olive oil and castor oil now and it works just as good (even better) without leaving my face dry or oily.
• Switched my shampoo to soap nut, natural shampoo and my conditioner to a natural shea butter conditioner. You can also make your own shampoo out of soap nuts, but I'm not there yet.
• Switched my shower bar soap to a natural bar soap (I use a few different brands, Dr. Bronner's is one)
• Got rid of commercial hand soap and started making my own.
• Started using raw Shea butter instead of lotion, but I've found that I don't need lotion when using all natural products on my skin.
• Made my own all purpose cleaner to replace the chemical one in the cupboard.
• Use a vinegar and water mix instead of windex.
• Purchased an all natural sunscreen that uses zinc as sunblock instead of the cancer causing chemicals. This was mainly because I didn't want to put all those chemicals on my 10 month old baby, but I used it once on myself first and was happy with the results. I don't usually need sunscreen unless I visit the equator.
• Started cooking with cast iron (when I can) instead of using non-stick pans. I still have to research something different for this since cast iron is cumbersome to work with. I'm sure there's better options out there, but I don't have the money to purchase new cookware right now.
• Got some air cleaning candles made with beeswax (I'm not allergic to these!) instead of the smelly ones that would always make me sneeze.
• Finally, I just decided on a water filter last week and just ordered it. I decided on a Berkey water filtration system with flouride removing attachments. I was using a Zero water filter that you stick in the fridge and was through with filling that thing a couple times a day (due to still having to mix formula) and replacing the expensive filters every month or so. I was going to get a reverse osmosis system until I read this article and did further research on the best, most cost-effective option. It will ship on Thursday and I'm excited to finally have some clean water without losing the mineral content, and without having to change filters so frequently!

I'm just now starting to focus on the internal changes (food, supplements etc...). I saved that for last because that's the hardest part to change. With all the diets out there, I was very hesitant to start anything new until I knew it was the right way to go, and was a lifestyle change instead of a temporary "diet". I wanted to make sure whatever additional changes I made to my diet (aside from already being gluten free, mostly organic and pasture raised) met my new higher standards, were feasible and made financial sense. Also, since I'm the grocery shopper and "cook" (if you can call it that) of the family, so that means everyone (including the husband) has to be on board for the change. That has it's own set of challenges. Future post to come on that soon!

My new Himalayan salt candle holders and 100% beeswax air purifying candles.

NOTE: My spelling errors, misplacement of commas and other grammatical mistakes are probably common in this blog as I lack the time to triple check everything without the distraction of a maniac baby getting into everything, causing a distraction every few minutes. Please excuse them!

I'll Just Stick With Bandanas and Ponytails For Now...

At 4 months old my daughter has started gripping my hair and pulling it to her mouth. She has a grip comparable to Andre the Giant, and I lose about 10 strands of hair each time she grabs it while I try to peel her fingers apart to get it out of her hand. Then it donned on me that this must be the reason so many new moms cut their hair. I've had a lot of  those "Oh, so that's why" moments during the past year. Hence, this blog.

I didn't grow up with younger siblings or close to lots of nieces and nephews, so motherhood is all brand new to me. Pretty much everything since the pregnancy test came back positive has been a learning experience. The 1,000 decisions between conception and birth seemed almost impossible. From birthing decisions (what's a doula, anyway?) to what car-seat to buy, and what diapers to use, along with what to register for, I was pretty overwhelmed. I found myself searching online for a basic list of things I needed the first 6 months of my baby's life, and I still felt that I was under-prepared for a lot of things and I was over-prepared for the wrong things. So this blog about current events in my busy "home-making" life, learning experiences, occasional product reviews, and tips or tricks I've learned over time (usually by trial and error). And, since I can't seem to decide if I should hop on the short haircut bandwagon or not, I'll just stick with bandanas and ponytails for now.

The Test is Positive.... Now What?!

My pregnancy was a total shock to me. I had just gotten home from a movie and decided to take a test before going out that night for a drink because I knew there was a very slight possibility I could be pregnant. To my surprise, it showed a really faint line. I took another one, and another one, and another and still got such a faint line that I wasn't sure if I was just seeing things or not. So I took two more, each a different brand, and got a faint, but clear line. Excitement, panic, fear, happiness and the desire to tell someone immediately all hit me at once. My husband was away at a party and wouldn't be back for a couple hours. It seemed like an eternity of racing thoughts. I busied myself thinking of a clever way to tell him. I decided to put a bun in the oven on a plate with a due date written on it. When he got home later, I told him to take the thing I was cooking out of the oven for me while I went to the bathroom. I heard a loud "What's this? What does this mean?!" and I showed him the 15-20 pregnancy tests and made him confirm I'm not crazy and there was a line. Thankfully he saw the line too. So what now? Who do I tell? Do I tell anyone right away? If I tell someone, who do I tell first? Second? Third? When do I make a doctor appointment? Which doctor do I see for this? These are all things I should have pondered prior to the test being positive, but I didn't because I figured I would cross that bridge when I came to it. I didn't know how this all worked. Exactly what do I do now?

In my mind, I imagined calling the doctor the next business day and coming in right away to get a "confirmation" on the pregnancy and all my questions/concerns answered. This was hardly the case though. They didn't even want to see me until I was 8 weeks along, but I had so many questions. Since I decided not to tell people right away, I couldn't go get a bunch of advice from family/friends (something I didn't consider when deciding if I should tell people right away or not). So the internet became my friend... and enemy. It answered questions like when to see the doctor, but also told me things like how high the miscarriage rate is before 12 weeks, and the signs and seriousness of an ectopic pregnancy. Yeah... that's just what I needed, more worry to add to my already racing mind. I was more of a worrier than the average person, especially because I was under the impression I wasn't going to be able to have babies. Now that it happened, I was really scared of losing it. I always wanted babies, but had just started coming to terms with it not happening. So, here's my advice on the order of what to do the second you find out you have a positive test:

1. Schedule an appointment with your current OB/GYN doctor (if you don't already know where/who you want to deliver your baby). This appointment is usually around 8 weeks from the beginning of your last menstrual cycle. They consider the first week of your cycle to be week #1 of pregnancy.
2. Figure out who you're going to tell, what order, and when. News travels fast, so this can be trickier than it first seems. We decided to tell a few people right away (just immediate family) then expand it after we had the first confirmation of heartbeat via ultrasound at 8 weeks. (Not everyone has an ultrasound this early. I ended up having one just to make sure everything was okay due to history and current cramping. Once the doctor sees the heartbeat via ultrasound, the chance of miscarriage goes way down.)
3. Buy a book about pregnancy (or two). This will let know what's happening inside your body. Lots of changes happen and it's nice to know what's "normal" and what you might want to get checked out.
4. Figure out where to go for prenatal care/delivery by 2nd trimester. There's more to this decision than one may know. It all depends on what will make you the most comfortable during labor and delivery. My advice is to learn the pros and cons of each option thoroughly, then decide where you imagine you'd feel the most comfortable. Do you want a home birth? Birth center birth? Hospital birth? Do you want a midwife or OB/GYN to deliver your baby? Will you want pain medication? A water birth? Or do you want a birth with little to no intervention? What will your insurance cover? How much will each option cost?
5. Take some deep breaths and de-stress. Spend the first 12 weeks just learning about what's going on with your body, and getting through the caffeine withdrawal and morning sickness (if you're so fortunate to have it), and choosing the type of birth you want. Try to relax and rest as much as you possibly can. Don't try to do everything at once. If it helps, make a list of things to do later (like choosing a name, getting the house prepared, buying/choosing baby items etc...).

"Morning" Sickness

This so called "morning sickness" is misleading because it implies that it only happens in the morning. This was not the case for me. I was sick 24/7 for about 6 months. My imagination failed me when I was imagining throwing up a couple times in the morning for a month, maybe two at most. I didn't expect the nausea to be as bad as it was without any let up, ever (I tried everything). I didn't imagine weakness and fatigue so bad that I could barely stand up to get out of bed. I didn't imagine choosing what food I ate based on how it would feel (and taste) coming back up 15 minutes later. This was the worst thing about pregnancy (yes, much worse than labor) simply because it lasted so long without any break. During this miserable time, I had mothers who said "Oh, I know what you're going through, I was sick for a few weeks with my baby... but I didn't actually throw up... and it was just in the morning before I ate something" I just wanted to say "Sorry, but then you have no idea what I'm going through!". I was completely useless during this time. I was in bed 24 hours a day with a bucket that I didn't have the energy to empty myself (poor husband). I would have my husband bring me food so I could throw up something instead of bile and water (which really burns and the gag reflex doesn't let up until you throw up something, which takes forever when there's nothing in your stomach). We've all had days where we are sick, but after a few days it usually clears up and you feel "normal" again. Six months of torture just doesn't even fall on the same scale as that. I feel really bad for mothers who have morning sickness as bad as I did and had to do it alone, or had a job (there's absolutely no way I could have worked during this time), or other children that needed taking care of. Medals and awards should be provided to them.

The only thing that seemed to help very slightly was a sleep aid called Unisom (doxylamine). I also didn't mind that it made me tired and sleepy because I couldn't get out of bed anyway. The more I was unconscious, the better, in my case. Sometimes I could even keep food down if I took the pill right before I ate and then fell asleep right away after eating. My body started rejecting the medicine after a while though. I started getting the urge to throw up as I was taking the pill, then eventually all I had to do was think about taking the pill and I'd start gagging.

Zofran also helped slightly with the nausea, but created other side effects I couldn't tolerate, so I would only take it if I had to be in the car or didn't have the option of throwing up, if I had to.