I'll Just Stick With Bandanas and Ponytails For Now...

At 4 months old my daughter has started gripping my hair and pulling it to her mouth. She has a grip comparable to Andre the Giant, and I lose about 10 strands of hair each time she grabs it while I try to peel her fingers apart to get it out of her hand. Then it donned on me that this must be the reason so many new moms cut their hair. I've had a lot of  those "Oh, so that's why" moments during the past year. Hence, this blog.

I didn't grow up with younger siblings or close to lots of nieces and nephews, so motherhood is all brand new to me. Pretty much everything since the pregnancy test came back positive has been a learning experience. The 1,000 decisions between conception and birth seemed almost impossible. From birthing decisions (what's a doula, anyway?) to what car-seat to buy, and what diapers to use, along with what to register for, I was pretty overwhelmed. I found myself searching online for a basic list of things I needed the first 6 months of my baby's life, and I still felt that I was under-prepared for a lot of things and I was over-prepared for the wrong things. So this blog about current events in my busy "home-making" life, learning experiences, occasional product reviews, and tips or tricks I've learned over time (usually by trial and error). And, since I can't seem to decide if I should hop on the short haircut bandwagon or not, I'll just stick with bandanas and ponytails for now.

The Test is Positive.... Now What?!

My pregnancy was a total shock to me. I had just gotten home from a movie and decided to take a test before going out that night for a drink because I knew there was a very slight possibility I could be pregnant. To my surprise, it showed a really faint line. I took another one, and another one, and another and still got such a faint line that I wasn't sure if I was just seeing things or not. So I took two more, each a different brand, and got a faint, but clear line. Excitement, panic, fear, happiness and the desire to tell someone immediately all hit me at once. My husband was away at a party and wouldn't be back for a couple hours. It seemed like an eternity of racing thoughts. I busied myself thinking of a clever way to tell him. I decided to put a bun in the oven on a plate with a due date written on it. When he got home later, I told him to take the thing I was cooking out of the oven for me while I went to the bathroom. I heard a loud "What's this? What does this mean?!" and I showed him the 15-20 pregnancy tests and made him confirm I'm not crazy and there was a line. Thankfully he saw the line too. So what now? Who do I tell? Do I tell anyone right away? If I tell someone, who do I tell first? Second? Third? When do I make a doctor appointment? Which doctor do I see for this? These are all things I should have pondered prior to the test being positive, but I didn't because I figured I would cross that bridge when I came to it. I didn't know how this all worked. Exactly what do I do now?

In my mind, I imagined calling the doctor the next business day and coming in right away to get a "confirmation" on the pregnancy and all my questions/concerns answered. This was hardly the case though. They didn't even want to see me until I was 8 weeks along, but I had so many questions. Since I decided not to tell people right away, I couldn't go get a bunch of advice from family/friends (something I didn't consider when deciding if I should tell people right away or not). So the internet became my friend... and enemy. It answered questions like when to see the doctor, but also told me things like how high the miscarriage rate is before 12 weeks, and the signs and seriousness of an ectopic pregnancy. Yeah... that's just what I needed, more worry to add to my already racing mind. I was more of a worrier than the average person, especially because I was under the impression I wasn't going to be able to have babies. Now that it happened, I was really scared of losing it. I always wanted babies, but had just started coming to terms with it not happening. So, here's my advice on the order of what to do the second you find out you have a positive test:

1. Schedule an appointment with your current OB/GYN doctor (if you don't already know where/who you want to deliver your baby). This appointment is usually around 8 weeks from the beginning of your last menstrual cycle. They consider the first week of your cycle to be week #1 of pregnancy.
2. Figure out who you're going to tell, what order, and when. News travels fast, so this can be trickier than it first seems. We decided to tell a few people right away (just immediate family) then expand it after we had the first confirmation of heartbeat via ultrasound at 8 weeks. (Not everyone has an ultrasound this early. I ended up having one just to make sure everything was okay due to history and current cramping. Once the doctor sees the heartbeat via ultrasound, the chance of miscarriage goes way down.)
3. Buy a book about pregnancy (or two). This will let know what's happening inside your body. Lots of changes happen and it's nice to know what's "normal" and what you might want to get checked out.
4. Figure out where to go for prenatal care/delivery by 2nd trimester. There's more to this decision than one may know. It all depends on what will make you the most comfortable during labor and delivery. My advice is to learn the pros and cons of each option thoroughly, then decide where you imagine you'd feel the most comfortable. Do you want a home birth? Birth center birth? Hospital birth? Do you want a midwife or OB/GYN to deliver your baby? Will you want pain medication? A water birth? Or do you want a birth with little to no intervention? What will your insurance cover? How much will each option cost?
5. Take some deep breaths and de-stress. Spend the first 12 weeks just learning about what's going on with your body, and getting through the caffeine withdrawal and morning sickness (if you're so fortunate to have it), and choosing the type of birth you want. Try to relax and rest as much as you possibly can. Don't try to do everything at once. If it helps, make a list of things to do later (like choosing a name, getting the house prepared, buying/choosing baby items etc...).

"Morning" Sickness

This so called "morning sickness" is misleading because it implies that it only happens in the morning. This was not the case for me. I was sick 24/7 for about 6 months. My imagination failed me when I was imagining throwing up a couple times in the morning for a month, maybe two at most. I didn't expect the nausea to be as bad as it was without any let up, ever (I tried everything). I didn't imagine weakness and fatigue so bad that I could barely stand up to get out of bed. I didn't imagine choosing what food I ate based on how it would feel (and taste) coming back up 15 minutes later. This was the worst thing about pregnancy (yes, much worse than labor) simply because it lasted so long without any break. During this miserable time, I had mothers who said "Oh, I know what you're going through, I was sick for a few weeks with my baby... but I didn't actually throw up... and it was just in the morning before I ate something" I just wanted to say "Sorry, but then you have no idea what I'm going through!". I was completely useless during this time. I was in bed 24 hours a day with a bucket that I didn't have the energy to empty myself (poor husband). I would have my husband bring me food so I could throw up something instead of bile and water (which really burns and the gag reflex doesn't let up until you throw up something, which takes forever when there's nothing in your stomach). We've all had days where we are sick, but after a few days it usually clears up and you feel "normal" again. Six months of torture just doesn't even fall on the same scale as that. I feel really bad for mothers who have morning sickness as bad as I did and had to do it alone, or had a job (there's absolutely no way I could have worked during this time), or other children that needed taking care of. Medals and awards should be provided to them.

The only thing that seemed to help very slightly was a sleep aid called Unisom (doxylamine). I also didn't mind that it made me tired and sleepy because I couldn't get out of bed anyway. The more I was unconscious, the better, in my case. Sometimes I could even keep food down if I took the pill right before I ate and then fell asleep right away after eating. My body started rejecting the medicine after a while though. I started getting the urge to throw up as I was taking the pill, then eventually all I had to do was think about taking the pill and I'd start gagging.

Zofran also helped slightly with the nausea, but created other side effects I couldn't tolerate, so I would only take it if I had to be in the car or didn't have the option of throwing up, if I had to.